Over the last few blogs, I’ve introduced you to some concepts for eating disorder recovery and healing. These practices stem from:

• My personal experience
• The way I engage with clients
• And the presentation I gave this past May at the NEDIC conference: Moving Body Acceptance Off of the Mat and Into the World

In Part I of this series, we talked about creating a space of safety for healing. And in Part II, we cultivated a heartfelt intention to keep us rooted in our journey.  Finally, here in Part III, I will take you through a guided relaxation where we’ll combine all learnings from this 3-part Body Acceptance series.

Can Stillness Bring Change?

I firmly believe so. Prior to discovering the practice of Restorative Yoga and Yoga Nidra, I used to believe change came from constantly moving > striving > doing stuff. Even in my ED recovery I felt I needed to check off the “tick boxes” of the supposed steps in recovery. But now, I realize personal growth and change is not so linear. And lying dormant isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes the most profound changes come from being still and getting in touch with the deepest part of ourselves –  very slowly and thoughtfully.

Enter: The Practice

“There is a part of you that is whole, healthy and not needing to be fixed.”

~ Richard Miller, psychologist and founder of iRest

I believe becoming more accepting of your body means practicing it, regularly. And I don’t want you to waste one more minute in theory! So I’m going to leave this 30-minute guided relaxation right here for you to explore, on your own time, in your own healing space.

Let us know how it goes! <3

The post The Body Acceptance Series Part III: Putting Theory Into Practice appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

WIIFM stands for “What’s In It For Me”. And it’s most notably referenced in the marketing and selling of a product or service. But in Part II of this Body Acceptance series (click here for Part I), I’m borrowing the WIIFM phrase to explore the deep-seeded reasons why someone seeks healing and recovery. I’m particularly drawing on my presentation last month at the NEDIC conference “Moving Body Acceptance Off Of The Mat & Into The World”.

WIIFM is a marketing approach to highlight the key selling features that will attract consumers to buy what a business is selling. It drives the promotion strategies used. And, if done well, continually focusing on the consumer benefits when advertising brings higher sales.

However, the “buying and selling” of eating disorder treatment is not easily strategized or packaged. Healing and recovery on this front is deeply personal, with umpteenth reasons for seeking it out. There is no cookie cutter approach. But, getting a clear understanding of the reasons why you are starting on the ED recovery path can:

1. Help articulate your recovery goals and intentions going forward
2. Be an anchor to what keeps you going, especially when the changes you’re making feel difficult

What am I longing for?

Selling anybody, on anything, is not the way I operate. The resolve to heal has to come personally from within. And no amount of persuasion or marketing tactics is going to sell you on the need/desire for healing.

Instead, when clients start working with us, the suggestion is that they ask themselves why they are here in this stage of their recovery journey. In other words, WIIFM is reframed with questions like these:

• Where does the eating disorder make life difficult/challenging?
• What are some negative feelings/experiences that the eating disorder creates?
• How are these behaviours not serving me at this time?
• When the eating disorder is no longer a guiding force in my life, what does that look like?
• Or… what am I longing for?

When participants and I pondered these questions at the NEDIC conference, there was a general consensus that life with an ED is anxiety-provoking, nerve-wrecking, surrounded by so much fear and a feeling of being overpowered by the ED thoughts/behaviours. But, on the other side of that,  might be freedom, personal trust and inner peace. And remembering the personal intention (the longing) at the forefront of the recovery process, is one way to solidify one’s commitment to healing.

From “May I….” to “I am”

Practices such as meditation, reflection and journaling can be effective tools for disrupting the ED. Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM) is one type of attention that can guide us from a place of self-loathing to self-compassion. A LKM has the following recited phrases: “May I be safe; may I be healthy, may I be happy and may I live with ease.”  Therefore, it is a hope for healing, recovery, change.

However, if we tap into our heart’s deepest desire and use the yogic practice of Sankalpa, change becomes more imminent.

Sankalpa is Sanskrit for heartfelt intention, a solemn vow, your heart’s deepest desire. It typically has the following characteristics:

• A personal commitment
• Affirming, positive
• Rooted in the present tense

In other words, your heartfelt intention is an anchor for where the recovery process will ultimately take you – realizing your true purpose in life.

Developing your Sankalpa (Heartfelt Intention)

1. Have a pen and paper handy
2. Find a quiet place for reflection
3. Go back to the questions above in the What am I longing for? section.
4. Pay particular attention to what it is your heart is longing for
5. Keep your statement brief, something you can easily recall and recite to yourself often
6. Write it down
7. Close your eyes and repeat your Sankalpa to yourself several times
8. Sit for a while and feel how this statement shows up in the body

Crafting your Heartfelt Intention can take some time. Also, it doesn’t have to be perfect. But if you’re struggling to find one that works for you, here are a few examples to get you started:

• I am…
• I welcome all impressions as interesting notes of discovery
• I trust myself

Up next: Michelle will guide you through a Yoga Nidra practice. Stay tuned for this 20 – 30 minute guided relaxation, where we’ll combine all learnings from this 3-part Body Acceptance series.

The post The Body Acceptance Series Part II: The WIIFM of Healing & Recovery appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

The original presenter was unable to present on “Moving Body Acceptance Off Of The Mat And Into The World” so I was asked to facilitate it instead. A lofty goal, I think, to address all that is in that title, in only 75min. And so many directions the presentation could have taken! But I chose to:

1. Draw on my lived experience
2. Leverage my understanding on the concepts of neuroscience and embodiment
3. And weave throughout some of my favourite embodiment tools (and there are many) in an effort to encourage self-discovery, healing and change

This 3-part series is to share that presentation (and possibly more) here, with you! I hope it will intrigue and inspire colleagues, clients/patients, caregivers and those in recovery in the complex field of Eating Disorders (EDs).

Let’s Explore, Question and Discover

In this 3-part series we will address, what I believe, are helpful components for recovery and healing:

1. Designing a “mat” space as a personal labratory
2. Asking the ultimate question: “What is it I and/or my client are longing for?
3. Testing various tools/practices for engaging with the body in an embodied way

So let’s explore the first component that can be a starting off point in the journey…

Our “mat space” as our personal laboratory

EDs and body image disturbances are ailments that promote disconnection from the natural, integrated wisdom between the mind and body. In recovery, we are attempting to repair that separation. And yet connecting to the body experience again can be very scary. 

Neuroception: a term coined by Dr.Stephen Porges, describes neuroception as a wiring within our nervous system, interpreting the environments we’re in as places of safety or potential threat

If the intention is to gradually cultivate a sense of acceptance and connection for our bodies, then we need to feel safe to explore the body experience in a neutral way (I wrote more on body neutrality in this post).

One of the ways to create safety in ED recovery, is to begin with establishing boundaries for those explorations. The yoga mat can be a physical manifestation of that needed safe place. It can be a place  to practice new concepts. And when we are on our mat space it is:

• A judgment-free zone, where you don’t have to “be” or “do” anything
• And you approach the body and your noticed responses with sincere curiosity. I like to use the phrase “Hmm, isn’t that interesting!” whenever something comes up for me

A Ceremony: Creating Your Mat Space

In my NEDIC presentation, participants didn’t have an actual mat. And you don’t need one either. But you can map your “mat space” as your personal laboratory wherever you feel is best to do so:

1. A good place to create that space might be your bedroom
2. Stand in whichever space you choose
3. If you have a mat, roll it out in your chosen space. Or visualize a mat, in whatever shape and size feels necessary
4. Close your eyes, with arms spread out wide, take up space. Pause
5. Declare to yourself “This is my sanctuary. This is my anchor. This is my safe place”
6. Consider slowly and deliberately doing a 360 degree turn of your mat space
7. With arms stretched out as you turn, continue to repeat the above declaration
8. Once your mat space feels firmly designed for your personal explorations and comfort, complete the ceremony

Coming Soon: Part II of this Body Acceptance series will explore the question: What is it that I and/or my client are longing for? Until then, return to this safely (mat practice), slowly, gently and repeatedly

The post The Body Acceptance Series Part I: Creating the Space for Body Acceptance appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

The Story Behind the Launch

I made my way down from the podium, onto the conference room floor, where audience members provided feedback on the presentation myself and colleague Kori Lichtfuss had just completed.  The presentation included a brief intro into my eating disorder history and some thoughts on my recovery.

As I finished chatting with folks, a young woman who had been waiting in the background approached me, with tears in her eyes, and softly whispered:

“What did you do to not relapse?”

It was one of the most difficult questions I think I had ever been asked in my life and I was so unsure how to respond.  I took a breath.  I looked into her eyes.  There was so much vulnerability for both of us in that moment and, standing on the other side of recovery, I had so much empathy for this women and all the pain and suffering the eating disorder had caused her.

She proceeded to tell me that she was in the middle of her 3rd relapse.  She was trying the best she could, on her own, to manage her symptoms while she anxiously waited for space to open up for an inpatient treatment program.  After providing her with some interim resources to search out, I asked permission to give her a hug and offered words of encouragement.  But what I didn’t realize in that moment was a seed being planted.

That vulnerable exchange between survivor and fighter was 18 months ago at a National Eating Disorders Conference.  Since then, I have found myself reflecting on it often and asking:

• Was there more that I could have done for her? AND
• How might I use my lived experience from ED diagnosis to recovery (and no relapse) to make a difference for those in it now?

Those questions have been at the centre of building a space for the ED community that is now ready to launch…

Welcome to Under The Lilac Tree

The first of its kind, Under the Lilac Tree is an online resource for your road to recovery.  You have already taken the first step by acknowledging the problem and seeking treatment.  This program’s intent is to fully support you while you wait.  We work together to reduce self-harming behaviours, managing the eating disorder before your admission to inpatient/outpatient treatment.

Under the Lilac Tree provides regular opportunities to check-in and explore opportunities for healing through:

• Creating small, yet meaningful goals
• Weekly coaching calls with a peer support worker (that’s me!)
• Weekly virtual sessions with a registered dietician
• Additional sessions and resources on restorative movement, mindfulness and self-care
• Ongoing support via email

Along with waiting for treatment, there might be additional barriers to accessing support on your ED recovery such as your location and financial resources.  That is why Under the Lilac Tree coaching and counselling is:

• Offering services virtually via Skype, phone and/or email
• Affordable, with packages starting at $399 (sliding scale available for those who qualify)
• Flexible with options for spreading out sessions (i.e.: bi-weekly instead of weekly, or other suitable frequency)

So there it is! What started as a whisper of an underlying need, became a labour of love that is now available to you and your loved ones.  If support in your ED healing journey is something you’re seeking, please reach out. I’m only a phone call or email away if you need me.

More to come in my next post where I’ll introduce you to our team and the core values that guide us in serving you as you move towards recovery.

The post Are You Waiting for Eating Disorder Treatment? Feeling Lost and Alone? This might help… appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

I really became aware of this issue last week when I finally went to refill my prescription for Eltroxin, medication that helps with my under active thyroid condition that I have had for almost 20 years.  I had let myself go without it from anywhere, I’m guessing, between 4 – 6 weeks.  The impact of my body missing those daily doses is now hitting me with noticeable moments of exhaustion, short-temperedness and just generally being in a fog.

Why tell you this? Well, because my perception is that those of us in the field of health and wellness don’t often talk about our own struggles of maintaining a self-care practice, which then appears like we have it all together and practice what we preach.  While I can’t speak for others, I can say for myself that simply isn’t true.  I, too, can get caught in the trap of feeling that I have to get all those to-do’s checked off first, take care of my family, my clients and my friends needs and also not wanting to miss out on all the summer fun in between.  But doing all of those things first comes at a cost, to the detriment of my own well-being.

So, no words of wisdom except to highlight that we are all susceptible to being too busy for self-care.  The notion of needing to be “good” at it can sometimes do us more harm.  Self-care need not be perfect.  This has been a lesson for me in the importance of awareness, being compassionate to one’s self and gently working towards changing the pattern.  Not engaging in behaviours to be a good role model but finding behaviours that serve YOU best.

And with that, I’m going to honour my body’s needs and take an unusual-for-me midday nap.  Everything else can wait.

The post Being Good at Self-Care appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

Amanda’s Big Dream, written by Judith Matz and illustrated by Elizabeth Patch, tells the story of a young figure skater, Amanda, whose dream is to perform a solo act in her community’s Spring Ice Show.  But Amanda’s well-intentioned, though misguided coach suggests that, if Amanda wants to get the part, she needs to lose weight if she is going to be successful.

Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common for many children – thin or fat, in the athletic arena or elsewhere.  For example, body image related bullying (which includes bullying based on one’s size), is the most predominant form of bullying, as found in a 2006 Census report by the Toronto District School Board.  And, with the help of mainstream media, young children are exposed frequently to stigmatizing messages about weight and size, including the assumption that thinner is better with regards to health and even sports performance.  The familiar message of you can do and be anything you want with “practice, practice, practice” comes with the caveat of needing to fit into a certain aesthetic – the thin ideal.

Amanda’s Big Dream highlights how harmful talk regarding dieting and weight loss can be.  With a short, simple statement like “…if you lost a little weight…” a child’s dreams and sense of accomplishment can be swiftly crushed.

“Follow your dreams, whoever you are.  Follow your dreams and they’ll take you far.”

However, this sweet story also offers a well-guided lesson for us all, parents and children alike.  A compassionate doctor and supportive parents switch the focus to the positive healthy behaviours Amanda already engages in and encourage her to stay with her sport because she loves it so much.

Does Amanda continue anyway in the face of criticism? Does she go on to get the solo performance in the Spring Ice Show? For those answers, you’ll have to read the book

But I will say that it is so refreshing to see a more positive alternative, that touches on the Health At Every Size® principles in a relatable way and guides readers towards a more holistic view on living life and going after your dreams.   Plus, there are great resources shared at the end of the book and on this website.

Having children ages 5 and 7 that participate in sport, I see the critical importance of cultivating a positive body image and detaching the value placed on an ideal size or shape for success in sports and/or overall health.  Amanda’s Big Dream is a great starting point for opening up that dialogue with children and our communities.

The post Amanda’s Big Dream: A Book Review appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

This week in Canada is Eating Disorders Awareness Week (EDAW), an annual event led by the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC). While anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder are the more commonly known EDs, there is a wide spectrum of experiences, with varying complexities, and a straightforward diagnosis is not always so clearcut. Add to that the realization that anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses and it’s important to release the stigma attached to EDs, to talk, listen and ensure that everyone has access to support. As the EDAW tagline suggests: Talking Saves Lives.

Back in 2013, I exhaled the details of my ED story to all of cyber space, here on the Define Me blog. It wasn’t easy to do but it’s all part of the process. At the beginning of this post I quoted one of my favourite movies of all time – The Wizard of Oz. When I reflect on my ED story I see the parallels of mine and Dorothy’s journey. Recovery was a big part of my yellow brick road where I met face-to-face with my battling mind, my delicate heart and a source of courage I never knew I had.

It took me a few years of counselling and personal work to recover from the eating disorder that consumed me throughout my time as a competitive athlete. Do I still have feelings of self-doubt, resentment towards my body and feeling out of control? Sometimes. I would be lying to you if I said otherwise. The difference is I can recognize when those harmful thoughts and feelings start to surface. And I have found less destructive methods for soothing those negative feelings such as positive self-talk, affirmations, engaging in self-care activities or speaking with a close friend, family member or therapist.

I truly believe each of our life’s path, our yellow brick road, is pre-set in a way. The trials and tribulations are part of some universal plan that lead us to just the right place, at just the right time. Not all of us will follow that blueprint though. It is the choices we make that determine whether our destiny will be fulfilled.

Yes, there was darkness in my personal struggles with my eating disorder.  But it ultimately brought me towards this personal and professional trajectory that I now know was meant for me. Here are 6 beautiful gems that my ED journey has granted me:

1. The principles of intuitive eating: They have guided me towards a healthier relationship with food, exercise and my body.
2. Long distance running and triathlon: Finding a new form of exercise soothed my goal-oriented, athlete-self with a safe (for me) activity that does not involve focusing on weight.
3. Pregnancy: Realizing the importance of nurturing my body to support the development of my babies while also letting go of anxiety around weight-gain.
4. My children: Pivotal in so many ways, they have kept me honest so to speak. I don’t diet, I don’t own a scale, I engage in regular self-care and I talk positively about my body. I do so mainly because I want to model for them a healthy, respectful, integrated mind-body-spirit approach to living.
5. My business: Taking the leap over 3 years ago to start Define Me brought me even closer to my life purpose. I have discovered a network of like-minded people (ASDAH is just one example) and gained more clarity in my message with my overall mission to helping others find balance, joy and a newfound intuitiveness to living.
6. My Yoga practice: Through coming to my mat regularly, slowing down my movement and breath, I have found a stillness within that has connected me to a deeper state of self-awareness and love.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder or engaging in disordered eating behaviours, know there is hope and possibility beyond what you are enduring now. Find just a little bit of courage and seek the help you need to heal. Make the journey on your own yellow brick road towards The Emerald City, that will ultimately lead you back home to yourself.

The post Follow The Yellow Brick Road: A Journey of Recovery appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

In my last post, I talked about one of the most common New Year’s resolutions…The resolve to lose weight.  After re-reading that post, it got me thinking of an often overlooked part of the goal setting process: defining the goal.  I love the structure and process of using the SMART approach to setting goals.  I frequently turn to it when I am creating intentions for myself or coaching my clients in the goals they are setting for themselves.  I wrote about this concept a couple of years ago, in a bit more detail here.

But before you start creating (or possibly revising) those resolutions I’d like to ask you a couple of questions:

• When it comes to weight loss goals (yours or those that you are helping a family member/client/friend with), have you ever considered you might be focusing on the wrong Result?
• What is it you are looking to gain from losing weight?
• If you achieve that goal, does that mean you are healthier for it?

Through my years working with the Health At Every Size® paradigm, I have come to realize a shortfall within the SMART goal setting process and in the way that success is defined.  Particularly when it comes to weight-loss goals, we are focused so much so on the outcome that the actions we take or the behaviours that we may want to shift become secondary.

Searching for the definition of “outcome” I found the following from 3 online dictionaries:

• the way a thing turns out; a consequence.
• something that follows as a result or consequence
• something that follows from an action, dispute, situation, etc; result; consequence

That is all that weight loss is; a potential result from the steps we have taken, a drawn line in the sand that says our goal is complete and we have made it.  Is that all we are looking for in our measure of success? A criteria of pounds lost or body measurements decreased? I challenge the assumption that weight loss equals success, happiness, improved health or anything else that is promised when someone takes on the soul-sucking task of dieting.  And I caution folks on using pounds lost as a proxy for goal achievement.

What if instead you focused more on the Behaviour, rather than the result? Spending more time and energy on the ways you want to live a healthier lifestyle, while taking things slow and being kind to yourself.  That, to me, is more impactful than any weight loss goal (IMHO).  Ultimately, I think it is the behaviour we are looking to change and it is the outcome that is secondary.

How might you be able to reframe your intentions from an outcome-oriented endpoint to a behaviour-focused journey? Tell us in the comments below.

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Happy New Year! I hope 2015 is off to a good start for you. Do you have resolutions or intentions for the year ahead? I do. But I have to admit, this time of year can sometimes be a bit triggering for me. Triggering in the way that I find myself frustrated and angry by all the diet propaganda that inevitably follows most marketing and cultural messages regarding New Year Resolutions. But then, I had a personal Epiphany…

An epiphany is like an “A-HA” that shifts the way you think about something. 

This year I decided to do things differently, to think differently. Me getting angry at a $60+ billion giant, well-oiled marketing machine and allowing myself to be triggered, just drains my energy and does not serve me or anyone. Instead, to quote Gabby Bernstein, “I choose love, instead of fear.” I can’t force anyone to see things my way, just as much as the diet industry can’t force me to return to a lifestyle of deprivation, obsessive exercise and self-criticism.

My intention this year is to refrain from reacting to that messaging.  To just take a deep breath, do my work the way I feel moved to serve and let the actions of others not set me off course.  Put the focus where it’s important: my health and well-being and what I believe is my ultimate purpose in life (i.e.: this)

I ran a campaign last month on Twitter and Facebook with the hashtag #MyEpiphany. The intent was to help folks find a more positive alternative to setting and achieving those 2015 wellness-related resolutions (if inclined to set them).  Here are some interesting discoveries (some my own and some from followers/ friends/ colleagues):

• Deciding to retire from Judo because my need to win revolved more around my weight and less around my sports achievement
• When I realized my beliefs around food, weight and exercise were harming, not helping my well-being
• Discovering that only I know what’s best for my health and well-being. I just need to be willing to listen
• When I decided resolutions to diet/lose X # of lbs were an ineffective use of my time and energy
• Throwing out my scale!
• Another #MyEpiphany for me was discovering intuitive eating as a more body-positive and self-loving approach to mealtimes
• #MyEpiphany was realizing food preoccupation, weight control, and over exercising are usually symptoms of something else…
• Exercising isn’t only good for my physical well being but essential to my mental and emotional well being
• When I decided resolutions to diet/lose X # of lbs were an ineffective use of my time and energy
• When I discovered #HealthAtEverySize, a non-diet and truly holistic approach to mine and my clients well-being.

• Health is subjective.
• Did you know the long-term success of diets is only 5%?!? Hmmmm…
• There are umpteenth reasons to exercise that do not involve the perceived need to reshape the body.
• What could you be doing differently? Have it come from a place of self-acceptance, care and love.
• Make it about the overall benefits you seek – improved energy, more mobility, less pain/stress – not the numbers on the scale.
• Setting goals: I focus on behaviours I need/want to change to create MY best health

Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below.  I’d like to know…

What’s your Epiphany around your health and wellness? How might you do things differently this year? How are you going to reshape your well-being without the diet?

The post 2015: The Year You Reshape Your Well-Being (not necessarily your waistline) appeared first on Define Me Wellness.

• WSAW chair, Marsha Hudnall and president of Green Mountain at Fox Run, Vermont was interviewed regarding the question of whether weighing ourselves is really necessary to gauge our health.
• An Eating Disorder survivor shared what was going through her mind when she returned to work just as a Workplace Wellness program was being launched in Caught in the Workplace Wellness Crossfire.
• Lisa DuBreuil, a clinical social worker based in Boston, gave an eye-opening report on Weight Stigma and Weight Loss Surgery  and the problems that surface.
• And body image expert, Marci Warhaft-Nadler, talked about how the next generation might live in a world where weight stigma is not so pervasive.  *HINT* It starts with taking a look at ourselves and finding ways to address it head-on.

Finally, BEDA developed a number of toolkits that act as a valuable resource, not just for Weight Stigma Awareness Week but for whenever the need arises:

• Weight Stigma is everywhere, from the school-yard to the boardroom and right on into the family home.  Educate yourself and be on the ready for YOU or someone you love.  These toolkits provide action steps and resources to help self-advocate for positive, non-discriminatory care.
• This is where I find myself somewhat embarrassed to be a part of an industry where size discriminatory behaviours runs rampant (although I’m hoping to change all that one day).  If you are a fitness professional, know or work with one, you may want to forward this toolkit along.  They also have toolkits for those in the nutrition field, mental health and one specifically for physicians.  Why not print the toolkits off and take them to your next appointment? Educate your providers on how their well-intentioned but weight-bias practices can do more harm than good.

Amazing content and fantastic resources from the week! And resources that we can all take and learn from going forward.  Education and action is key if we are ever going to put a stop to this last socially acceptable form of discrimination.

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